Oh my Goodness!!! Adventure River!

Oh my goodness Adventure River!

Three crazy things happened to me here.

1. My Auntie always told me that she nearly killed me in the tube circle as a baby. It was because I fell out / off the side of the inner tube and, I was way too fat to pull back in. I was a HUGE baby. She said that it was a very serious life threating matter. As she held on to me for dear life, nearing total fatigue and experiencing exhaustion, my Mom wouldn’t get me out. She couldn’t stop laughing. You should know, that my aunt cussed SO well! I mean eloquently and with precision. So it was probably hilarious. I lived. But just barely.

2. At about 7 years old, we went as a big family group. I was in the wave pool. The huge wave it takes a while to build came. I saw it approaching and was super excited! When it hit me, all I knew was that, I didn’t know anything at all. I was lost.
As everyone surfaced from being submerged, laughing and probably hand slapping or something, saying how much fun that was, they eventually realized they didn’t see me. “Sonya wasn’t that fun?!?” *ensuing joyous sun basked laughter* “Sonya?… Sonya?! OMG where’s Sonya?!” My family was frantic. I could hear them but I didn’t know where I was either! Every sound had become muffled as if they were all speaking through paper towel rolls. Suddenly I felt myself being flipped over. Wide eyed and confused with a half-smile still placed as the thinning water ran down my face. I had been upside down and somehow remained properly placed in the inner tube, my little hands still tightly gripping the plastic handles. “Sonya! Are you okay?!” Meanwhile I’m still smiling. “Sonya!” *they turn to the others* “She’s confused. She doesn’t know what’s happening. Sonya, can you breathe?” My sister Erica runs up and says “Sonya, you were upside down the entire time. Under water! We were looking for you!”

3. When I was 8 or 9 I went back to the water park with Erica and her cool friends. She took me everywhere and looked out for me. We were so excited. I was finally old enough to slide on the biggest, fastest slide. When we got to the top the attendant kept telling me, “Do not sit up until you’re at the very bottom” I assured him that I understood and took the plunge. It was crazy fast and it seemed like it was going on forever. I kept thinking “is it time to sit up now? It’s probably time to sit up. I’m probably waiting too long.” When I got to the straight flat part of the slide, I sat up. I heard my sister, the attendants at the top and bottom of the slide and bystanders yelling “No! NO! Nooo!” I was so confused. My sister and the AR worker ran over to me yelling “Are you Okay?!” I was looking at them wondering what they were talking about and they kept fussing “Why did you do that!?” Erica told me “you were going SO fast! You sat up way too soon! Does your booty hurt?” She pulled me up and I knew something was not right. She leaned me forward to make sure my butt wasn’t scraped up. “Pull your swim suit out of your butt!” I tried and I honestly couldn’t. The force of the water had given me a full on kiddie thong. The attendant was saying how he knew 8/9 year olds were still too little for this slide. “I knew we shouldn’t be letting little kids get on here! She’s probably not even 8!” My sister was getting visibly nervous trying to remove this wedgie before we left the slide area. She struggled but we got it out.
I think that was my last visit to Adventure River. But, if they came back to Memphis, I might go again. I still love water parks. Disney’s Typhoon Lagoon brought an adventure of its own…. but that’s another story.