Solynya

If you are reading this, I pray that you are granted peace in the midst of every storm that you encounter and a depth of consciousness that allows you to be present in the moment.

I pray that you are, connected, balanced, and Confident.

That you are loved, and that you love.

And that you know, I Love you. 💛

So I wrote a long post on advice from a loved one regarding Relationships, Love, and Sex…. The draft was deleted. So for today’s blog post, you get a flash back…

Jump in the carrrr smash that gas move back and let Sonya pass She said oohdawop Look at that booty oohdawop don’t it look cutie oohdawop don’t you want some oohdawop Caint get none.

Bye ✌

This Ash Wednesday I opted for Mass AFTER work as to avoid keeping this expression the entirety of the day.

Every year I hear things like:

Hey you know you got some dirt on your head?

You said that’s ashes? Why?

*reaches thumb towards forehead in wiping ready motion*

I thought you were Buddhist?!

You’re not Muslim!?

It’s Black Catholic people?!

You know they worship Mary. Right?

So you worship statues?

You know, I don’t do that. I’m Christian.
——

I am not a spokesperson for the Catholic Church so I’m not going to give a breakdown here but, friends,

Catholics are Christians. Do not wipe anyone’s ashes off.

Also, a jade necklace, meditating, the sign of the cross or a hijab do not give you full insight into someone’s beliefs.

When someone is fasting and praying to become more focused and grow to be a better version of themselves, it benefits you as well. Being that you are a human who will have interactions with them, directly or indirectly.

If you are participating this Lenten season, be encouraged.

And either way, from Dust you came and to dust you shall return. This is not your destination but it is a part of your journey. Grow in it.

Peace Be With You ✌

Sometimes I wish I had instant bae magic. Like, I could snap my fingers or wiggle my nose or I dream of genie nod. You know? I would use it instead of doing things like:
-succumbing to the petty desire of talking into my head phones, knowing no one is on the phone because an unwanted stranger isn’t satisfied with the simple greeting that I’m willing to exchange on my shopping trips

-Or when a guy won’t leave me alone after I’ve let him know I’m not interested and he asks, “what, your man won’t let you have a friend?” I’d use instant bae then, instead of tapping my home screen button and beginning to make a call saying to this presumptuous stranger “let me ask him”.

The stories can be funny after the fact, when I’m in a safe place. But it’s no joking matter in the midst of a moment with a strange (or sometimes somewhat familiar) man who doesn’t respect your space. The subject can get touchy and complex.
The truth of a body that falls victim to isms and benefits from privilege as well is not always well received. Often times, blame comes about, logic is thrown out and balance can’t be found.

He tried to push his way into your apartment, a stranger? Well you’re a very pretty girl. What do you expect? He was probably drunk.

He reached up your skirt and grabbed you? Why did you wear a skirt to the party?

He attacked you? What did you say to him?

He’s angry because he thinks you owe him? You were too nice. You led him on.

He’s being rude to you? You should have given him a chance.

They wouldn’t stop touching you? What did you wear?

We are many times taught to take blame for being disrespected and violated.
I truly enjoy the presence of a respectful Man on an outing; even the Peace I have knowing that people will often treat me with more respect. I know that his presence is more respected than my polite reply of “No thank you” or “I’m not interested”. And while I enjoy that added comfort and safety, I can’t help to wonder how this issue isn’t more widely recognized. How do we continue to allow and sometimes foster misogyny rather than teach mutual respect?

I can’t let my 30 day blog challenge go by with out sharing one of my once unadulterated loves with you. My first video/music post is, my ex future husband. At first, I just liked him. I remember being about 8 years old sitting in the back of the van rapping his lyrics. By the time I was 19, the summer “BE” was released, I was seriously in love with this man. Which I know is crazy being that I never met him but it wasn’t in a fan girl way. It didn’t feel that way to me at least. I admired his consciousness and artistry. His music helped me through some really difficult situations in my life. I listened to his music ALL of the time. I would listen to his interviews repeatedly because the sound of his voice soothed me. It still does really. I used to be like “God, I want to marry this man. You made him so perfectly” plus I already had his last name.

When he started dating Erykah Badu, I wasn’t even mad. I love her so much I felt like if he could be with anyone else other than me, she should be the one. “The Light” is perfection, the song and the video. It’s SO sweet when he puts that blanket on Badu while she’s sleeping.

“As my reflection in light I’ma lead you
And whatever’s right, I’ma feed you
Digga-da, digga-da, digga-da, digga-digga-da-da
Yo I tell you the rest when I see you, peace✌”

https://youtu.be/W_-qRcHAhzk

With his brown skin and characteristics undoubtedly descended from the African Diaspora, he stands before me and tells me that “I don’t date black women”

their attitudes are too bad
and their hair is nappy and kinky

not pretty and silky
they have kinks not curls

He continues on, and on, and on….

*In my thoughts*
Sonya, don’t speak. Don’t, as not to create more distance between us as a whole. But really the distance in support is there already. The dialogue creates discomfort and exposes a dissonance. It is not creating a distance. But the conversation is needed to change this.

His words seep between my placid placed expressions, waving away my inner dialogue, and I hear him say

“But not you Sonya. You’re different. You aren’t really like BLACK girls. You’re pretty and you’re smart. And you look mixed! You have nice pretty hair. You’re well spoken and I like your color, even if you aren’t light skinned.”

“Do you date white dudes? I could see you with a white dude. Yall would probably get along. Is your Mom white?….”

My stream of thoughts are triggered in, and I can no longer hear him. Voices of words once spoken return to me. Visitation. “You need to stop trying to find a black man.” “They don’t do right.” “Statistically there aren’t enough for ALL of you to have one. Somebody gotta get something else” “Step out of the box. Choose another color” “Why are you only dating black men!? Ugh. That’s why you’re single” “You’re close minded. Everybody can’t have chocolate babies”

But…. Outsides aside, I need a different kind of support. The world is tough enough. I am not in the business of recruiting naysayers. I need someone with faith SO strong, He can believe in me and my dreams. So strong, he can see me in the places that I will one day be. So strong that his masculinity is not defined by society, weak & stuffed with bravado….

Goddess, he calls me. I Love, your spirit. I love your complexion. You’re beautiful. You’re intelligent. I believe you will accomplish you dreams. I will continue to support you in your pursuits. I will keep encouraging u, til the sky falls.

He speaks Life into me.

He speaks positivity into my life.

The Distance Between Us… too far to exist as one in harmony? No.

I do my best to live my life with a holistic approach.
I do my best to maintain balance.
I do my best to view the obstacles I encounter as the stepping stones they are:
An offering of opportunity to grow stronger and gain strength and depth,
A way to be better prepared to evolve, to excel,
A way to be sure my steps are properly ordered in a purposeful path,
A way to tap into my power…

I also do my VERY best to keep the crust off of my heels… Literally. That is not a metaphor. I mean, I really do.
Let me help you with what I’ve found.

One summer day my Mom came by to visit me. We were going to hang for a few hours. When I put my sandals on, it was as if I suddenly noticed an ashiness on my feet no lotion could moisturize. She insisted that I keep my dainty shoes on instead of covered ones because they were cute, and the ash wasn’t that bad (Mom Love niceness). So I did. We walked into our first stop, to pick up my detox bath salt. She ventured over to the body butter table and started to smell the products. She’s not big on scents so I was surprised when she said “Oh! Pineapple! This one smells so good! And my hands are SO soft. Sonya, come put some of this on your feet!” across the store in full Mother fashion of course.
I was hesitant, not being big on “butters” but I tried it. Like many other instances, Mom was right. The smell was fresh and sweet, natural and rich but not overbearing. I rubbed a little in my hands and on my heels. Amazingly, some kind of miracle happened. The dryness that the expensive Dr. Scholl’s ultra-foot cream and every other lotion in my house couldn’t soften was moisturized! I bought one, Coconut Milk scent because Pineapple was sold out.

We headed on our way smelling like fresh tropical fruit, bouncing on soft feet. By the time we made it to lunch, I looked down at my heels as I stepped out of the car, Yall, not one ashy indention was visible! My feet hadn’t been covered with socks; they were open in summer sandals. But this Body butter worked like no other. I knew then. “I gotta tell everyone about this!” The Bubble Bistro (local if you’re in Memphis or N.O.) is FYE! The butter has replaced my body lotion and it is love! It’s part of the reason my hugs are usually followed by “Mmmm *leans in again* you smell so good! Mmmm”

If you’ve wanted to keep your feet sweet or get rid of dents and cracks… get some. Make it even sweeter with a “Mr. Pumice Pumi Bar” and “CeraVe” Foaming Facial Cleanser. These are a few of my favorite products that I use every day. Any time you wear shoes that rub off or encounter dirt that is stubborn on your feet, just a squirt of this soap on your scrub bar will take it all away. Moisturize with body butter, and soothing foot massage. Life will just feel good.

Don’t neglect your feet please. Talk to them, love on them, and take a little time with them. It can help to relax you entirely. Don’t be “too busy” for it. If you don’t have time, make time. The tasks you must carry out require your mind, body, and spirit. Your body is your gift and your tool. A positive contribution to one part of you can be good for all parts of you. To neglect one part is, well, … just love on your feet too, okay?

Take a deep breath in, make it slow and controlled, then slowly breathe out. Relax your toes, relax your shoulders, and relax your face.

From your soles to you soul, your crown to your aura, make your Body and Spirit a priority. Take care of yourself.

 

I have been tested so many times in these past few weeks. From things as shallow as snarky comments to true disrespect from people I don’t know well at all to those who are actually connected to me in some way. While it is very irritating, it seems as if for every bit of craziness, I have been graced with so much refreshing and positive energy.
One morning, the day became so stressful before I even left the house for work. Frustrated with duties and things that popped up suddenly, demanding immediate attention, I felt like I was melting. After having a mini breakdown, gathering myself, and handling everything at hand, I felt drained, before 9 a.m…. The light and vibration of my phone pulled my attention from my thoughts of “OMG Sonya get your sh*t together!” The message, sending positive vibes and wishing me peace and positivity for the day was in perfect timing. They knew nothing of the situation I was handling.
Just when I was kind of feeling like, “life, are you trying to show me I’m not doing it right?” I realized, or remembered rather, that the universe is not working against me. Yes, even on those “try me” days when I feel as if there is a sign on my forehead that says something like “give me your BEST shot. Come on! Be as rude as you can!” We have the power to will things that we desire into our lives, and there are keys to assist or usher them in, primarily, gratitude.
“Your attitude determines your latitude.” And your level of gratitude largely determines your attitude. Look for the good, and you will find it. And because what you seek is seeking you, in keeping a positive attitude and finding the good in things, good things will find you.
Knowing this, I don’t say I’m chasing money or chasing dreams because, I’m not. Those things are not running away from me. I don’t have to chase them. The truth is that, what you seek is seeking you. We have to tune into that seeking and know what it is that we are looking for. Learn how to be quiet. Make yourself of meditation jar. Be mindful.

Understand and identify what the desires of your heart are and if they are purposeful.
Check your attitude. Check your ego. Check the language you use with yourself (your self-talk). Make it good because you deserve it. Check the disrespect (through your mindfulness of course). Commit to keeping a gratitude journal every day for 30 days. I believe that you will be pleased with the changes that come about. Tap into your power and, don’t chase, attract.